Being Angry

I hardly ever get angry. I am very even tempered and mild mannered but, as part of my healing process, it was suggested I write an angry letter to Jill. This letter is not meant to be sent but the exercise is intended to get so me of the angry feelings out there in a healthy way. Acknowledging your emotions is a healthy way to deal with any kind of trauma. I’m certainly not happy angry and I don’t feel like myself when I am but I just need to keep telling myself that anger is a natural response and direct it in an appropriate way

I read somewhere that "Your feelings are going to be overpowering sometimes, but I think people are much worse off if they don't let those feelings rage through their bodies. You have to rage, pounding your fists. You have to scream, whine, moan, and complain to your nearest and dearest friends; you have to do whatever you can to let it pass through your system."

Divorce brings an abrupt end to things that you thought were good, right, and secure in your life. Now you aren't sure which parts of your married life were real and which parts were only illusions. You are not wrong to feel anger.  Justified anger can be a good and necessary response.”

It’s nice to read that and know that I am taking the right steps to be me again.

I wrote the letter and did feel a little better.   The anger is still there and will be for a while but I am taking steps to express it in a healthy way and work my way towards forgiving Jill which is the ultimate goal.

Thanks for reading

-Jay

Losses

A few times a week in my email I get a message about coping/healing/moving on from divorce. One I got recently was very helpful. It dealt with the losses that you experienced from a divorce and suggested you right them down and I thought it may be helpful to include and explanation for some of these things.

Recovery involves being aware of your losses so here are some things I have lost:

My wife

And all the other roles she played in my life

My cat

Relatives/Friends

I really loved Jill’s family.  This past year holidays were not the same because I did not get to see them and catch up, laugh, and enjoy each others company. I’m sure If I really wanted to I could talk to these people but it just obviously wouldn’t be the same.  As far as friends go, I guess I wouldn’t say I’ve lost any but I really don’t know what the relationship between me and those I knew through Jill is. Like family the dynamic when interacting with them would simply be different.

Status/Standard of living

Rightly or wrongly there is a status that goes with marriage. It means you’ve accomplished something (and at least one other person can stand you!). As for standard of living, I went from living in a nice decent sized apartment to living in a studio. This certainly is not the worst thing in the world but I do miss the places I used to live. 

Responsibility.

The only person I need to think for is myself. Frankly thinking/living only for yourself and not for you and someone else is a lot less fulfilling.

Money

I’m not struggling financially and I thank God for that but obviously there are things you can do on two incomes that you cannot do on one.

Some Sense of stability

When I was married I knew the future would always include Jill. Now, I have no idea what the future holds.

Thanks for reading everyone. My hope is that my writing does not come across as whining or looking for sympathy because that is not eh case. I just feel its important to get my thoughts and feeling out into the world and this is, for me, the most comfortable way to do that.

-Jay